Thursday, May 3, 2012

No Referral

To say that we were disappointed would be an understatement. When we heard the news from our agency, that the first batch of referrals they have received in 2 1/2 years, did not contain a referral for us, it was devastating. I cried for probably 3 hours, went to bed, woke up with swollen eyes and cried some more. {just being real here people} It felt as if someone had stabbed me in the stomach and then kept twisting the knife. I don't think I have ever in my life experienced such a painful event. That being said, even though I was sad and hurting, I throughout the entire experience felt an underlying sense of peace. A peace that I know only God can give during something like that. Being able to rest in the fact that God is good always, His name will be glorified always, He is always in control and He loves me, was SOOO comforting to me. I have learned so many lessons during this adoption process and evidently God has more for me to learn through it, by extending the process. {Glory be to God} I am happy to learn those lessons even if they bring pain, because God doesn't just take us through a trial and abandon us....He walks with us through it every step of the way. I didn't find myself this week questioning God, but rather trusting in Him. I found myself looking for ways to give God glory in this situation rather than focusing on my hurt. Our pastor had just Sunday preached on 1 Chron 16 about God's glory. What perfect God-led timing for this message this week! This whole adoption experience would be REALLY tough without being able to trust in the one that loves us the most. As Tom said to me this week, "It's like a child asking his parent for ice-cream at 10pm. There is nothing wrong with the ice-cream and as a parent we take pleasure in giving our kids things they desire. But we also know that is not the time for something like that. We know that we will let them have it tomorrow at a reasonable time. But it's hard for the child to understand that.....they want it NOW." How much can we parallel this with our relationship to God. He called our family to adopt. Adopting is a good thing, in His timing. He sees the big pictures as to when the time is right, but because we don't see things as God sees them we want what we want NOW. If only we can see things as God sees them. I pray that my attitude and heart reflects glory and praise to God in what work He is doing in me, rather than bringing undeserved attention to myself and the hurts I am experiencing. {All Glory be to HIM}