Draw me Nearer

The last time I did a blog post I was in China……that was 18 months ago.  Boy has the time flown by!  The last 18 months have brought a lot of personal stretching and learning; a lot of praying and growing; and a lot of laughter and tears!   I am so happy that Hudson is no longer an orphan and is now a Lacock forever and ever.   The picture of what  Christ did for me is more clearer now than ever.   With a very grateful heart I reflect on His adoption of me into His family.

Hudson is a happy-go-lucky 6 year old boy, that loves trains (namely Thomas) and anything electronic (the more buttons and noise the better)!  He is in Kindergarten this year and has learned to write his name and recognize the whole alphabet.   His progress is slow but steady.  We are excited to help him reach his own personal best, whatever that may be!

I am not really a New Year’s resolution kind of person, mainly because I don’t like setting myself up for failure…..and let’s face it, most of us don’t carry out our resolutions past the end of January!  If you are a goal oriented person and you follow through each year with your resolution, my hat is off to you.  I wish I were more like you.  Maybe we could hang out and your amazing drive would rub off on me!    Anyway, I digress.   Although I haven’t made a “Resolution” I have felt the Lord pulling me to have a closer relationship to Him.   The kind of relationship where you slowdown in your time with Him to just LISTEN.  Now, I have four kids so I do A LOT of listening, but I am also a world-class expert of tuning things out.   I mean, I’m pretty sure the fine art of tuning-out is a God-given survival skill for every mother.   The problem comes when I get engrossed in something and while tuning my kids out, I also tune my husband out!  (eeeek, never is a good thing…sorry babe)   One would think that I would be able to hone in on this amazing skill during my quiet time with God and I could pray without interruption in the midst of: our dog barking, one child running through the house with a leaf blower, another child flooding the toilet (wearing rain boots) singing “Singing in the rain”, my son jumping on the bed with a sharpie- marking the ceiling with every jump, and lastly my daughter hanging on my back like a monkey because it’s obvious that if I am kneeling on the floor it would only be for the sole-purpose of  getting  a better position for her to climb aboard.  But alas, I am afflicted with Quiet Time ADD.  Are any of you afflicted with this self-diagnosis as well?!   It is so annoying.   No matter what is going on during my quiet time I get so distracted.   I mean it goes something like this…….(Reading Matthew 26:26) “Jesus took bread, and after blessing it broke it….”  Bread, oh my, I am completely out of bread.  I can’t even make the kids lunch tomo.  I need to run to the store.  What else do I need at the store?  Apples, cheese and toilet paper.  Speaking of toilet, I need to clean our toilet.  Then I need to mop the bathroom and kitchen.  I really need to get in the kitchen and start making our dinner.   What are we going to have?........and it goes on and on.  By the time my brain is done ADD’ing (is that a word?!) I have such a long list of stuff that I need to do that I pray really quickly and get started on my To Do list.   I get sooo frustrated when this happens.   I was convicted after the New Year by Hebrews 10:22’s command to draw near.   This is not physical because we can’t touch God, but it is a decision and act of the heart.    I was shown my great need for this closeness and lack of dependence on God when we were giving a little girl in China’s file to look at a couple weeks ago.   Tom felt strongly that this was not the right timing for our next adoption.   We both feel called to adopt again, but it must be in God’s timing.   The problem was my heart was already melted over this little bundle of sweetness with hair that stuck straight up and beautiful deep dark almond eyes.   How could I say “No” to her?   I lost all joy in that moment of realizing the answer was, yet again, WAIT.  But over the next few days I felt like through several Bible readings and sermons  God was saying “you need to find your joy in me.   You are to do my will.  If my will is for you NOT to adopt right now, you should be so happy to do that will that you will not lose your joy.  Rather,  you will have joy unspeakable because you are obeying me and that is where you find your joy.”

The next day I read Acts 14:22 “Through tribulations we must enter the Kingdom of God”.   John Piper said, “God often blesses us with a ‘grace given’ in the circle of ‘grace denied’…..In the midst of grace denied we get grace supplied”   Wow, that was so powerful to me in that moment and still now.   My prayer was that we could adopt this sweet precious baby girl.  But God said “Wait” to that request – Grace Denied.   However in the midst of that “grace denied”  He gave me grace to get through the disappointment and to trust in Him and receive joy in knowing I was glorifying Him through my obedience and trust that He will do what is best in my life, in His timing.

Since then, we had a foster care agency that we had talked to last fall, call us and say they REALLY wanted us to be a part of their foster care family and would we consider signing up right away.   Tom and I felt immediate peace that this was what God was calling us to do right now.   We are very excited as we are going through the rigorous process of becoming foster parents in the state of GA!   Pray for our family as we prepare for this!  We know, going into it, that it is not an easy calling.   The children come with a lot of trauma and as parents it is hard to let go of children you have loved on for a time.   I still miss our foster baby from almost 2 yrs ago!

If you have ever considered, or may even be considering now, fostering or adopting domestically or internationally, I would LOVE to talk to you.  Email me (lacockfam@gmail.com), Facebook message me, or even call me!   This is my heart and I am bonded instantly to those whose heart is the same!!

Blessings!

Draw Me Nearer
Fanny Crosby
I am Thine, O Lord, I have heard Thy voice, and it told Thy love to me; But I  long to rise in the arms of faith, and be closer drawn to Thee.

Consecrate me now to Thy service, Lord, By the pow’r of grace divine; Let  my soul look up with a steadfast hope, And my will be lost in Thine.

O the pure delight of a single hour, That before Thy throne I spend; When I kneel in prayer, and with Thee, my God, I commune as friend with friend!

Draw Me Nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord, To the cross where Thou has died; Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord, To Thy precious bleeding side.